I’ve recently been reading quite a bit of Two X Chromosomes over at Reddit for my daily dose of What The Women Of Reddit Are Doing And Talking About. And I found this thread about girls who have trouble interacting with other girls. And, oh, man, can I ever relate to that.
As a kid, I had normal friendships with other kids of both genders, until middle school. It’s a rough period for everyone, because kids can be jerks, but I was an exceptionally easy target for teasing because both my parents worked at the school where I went. And the girls were particularly vicious.
So I mostly stayed away from them, and hung out with kids from acting class and youth group instead – mostly boys. And by high school, when the girls had mellowed out enough to act kindly toward me, my inherent social awkwardness combined with my unwillingness to be a target anymore meant that I almost never had any female friends outside of the girls I knew from ballet.
It wasn’t until college, when I joined a sorority, that I forced myself past it all – being around a group of forty girls a whole bunch and having to actually solve problems together made me get over it. And even then, my closest and favorite female friends were ones that had gotten along better with boys all their lives. This is true to this day.
What I want to know is, can you relate to this? Are more of your friends guys or girls? Why? If you’re an awkward-around-new-female-friends type like I am, how do you get past it?
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7 comments
sarah von says:
Aug 6, 2010
Almost all my girlfriends are women who “don’t usually like other women” – but we all like each other! I’ve actually never really been that great at being friends with guys, as I usually just, uh, end up dating them. ;)
Trista says:
Aug 6, 2010
Oh Thank God, it’s not just me! I can relate completely to your predicament. I was always a very reasonable and practical child as well, and it seemed most girls had these weird mind games and insider speak that I was never included in, or didn’t inherently know about, ya know? I had some girl friends growing up, but always one at a time, and I could never be friends with their “girlfriends” i.e. cluster of girls that had been friends since birth etc., because I didn’t fit the mold.
It makes it doubly hard though, when you only get along with guys, but this gets complicated when they (a) begin to like you as more,(b) get a girlfriend who does not approve of your opposite gender friendship, or (c) you get a boyfriend who is not comfortable with your opposite gender friendship.
As you can see I’ve had to work out this issue on my own as well! :) But it’s nice to know that we aren’t alone like we actually feel sometimes. I take solace in the fact that there are cool, normal, rational girls out there (who aren’t completely and utterly driven by emotion), and I just haven’t met the right one yet. It’s kind of like looking for your husband or soul mate, it will happen one day. You just have to keep the faith!
Links I ♥ : 08.08.10 | ericaleexo.com says:
Aug 8, 2010
[...] Do you have problems making friends with other women? It’s embarrassing, but yes, I’m totally one of “those girls” (but [...]
eemusings says:
Aug 9, 2010
I definitely was like that. The funny thing was, I got to uni, did communications, and was surrounded by girls. You can probably imagine what most of them were like.
And for some reason, none of the guys I met at uni seemed interested in girls beyond getting into their pants. Definitely no friendship material.
In third year, I had classes with some grad students. Those guys were okay. But the only enduring relationships I made at uni are girls. Maybe I’ve come full circle.
Christine says:
Aug 9, 2010
I can’t really say I’m the same, almost the opposite really, so I’ll be the odd ball :). A lot of my closest friends are girls, and I’ve generally been pretty comfortable around girls more than guys. I have 3 sisters.
I agree, girls can be pretty vicious growing up, especially in middle school; however, sisters can be really mean too and it’s harder to avoid them since they’re always around. Anything middle girls did really paled in comparison to my sisters, so I just didn’t care. They saw it and left me alone. A lot of my closest friends were made from prekinder to 3rd grade. One draw back to having the same circle for a long time is that I’m pretty much awkward around new people regardless if they’re male or female. For me, it just takes time, I just have to get familiar with someone.
Lucia says:
Aug 13, 2010
All my friends are male, and I’m fine with that. I went to high school in an all-girl’s school, and a lot of the women were catty, jealous, and competitive. When I went to college it was the same thing. I avoid women now and I prefer it this way.
Anaïs says:
Aug 21, 2010
All of my friends are female. But we like to say that we “think like guys”. The thing is, I wasn’t a pretty teenager (glasses and very bad acne – what did you expect) during puberty, and boys made fun of me up to the point where they would make me cry. I’m not like that anymore, but for the latter part of high school they would still think of me as that girl; which is why I have never made male friends, although I can’t relate to how some girls think that I really think sometimes that it’s true: me and my friends have male brains.