Note: This is the second part of a two-part series. To read the first post, Friends You Should Drop Right Now, click here.
The encourager. This person’s favorite word is “yes” – or better yet, “!@$(& yes!” They support your projects a million percent – buy from your Etsy shop and drive an hour to stand at the front and center at your band’s show and cheer, no matter how many times they’ve heard your songs before. Every bit of what they say to you is complimentary and positive, and they believe it with every fiber of their being: “Your sunsuit is amazing.” “Hell, yes, I think you can get a million blog visitors a day.” “Wow, those sparkly heads aren’t creepy. They’re awesome. I want one.” Totally useful and amazing for your self-esteem, particularly if you struggle with self-doubt – this person picks you up any day of the week. Every single person I know and see regularly has elements of this, and this is why I love my friends so much. [Except I don't think any one of them would honestly say the sparkly heads aren't creepy. I mean, would you? I wouldn't.]
The truth teller. Frequently misunderstood, but completely integral nonetheless. This isn’t like the frenemy who uses honesty as an excuse for tactlessness and cruelty [which, by the way, is the best way for you to get me to cut you out of my life - I don't tolerate it at all, ever]. Instead, this person tells you the truth you need to hear – tactfully and kindly – and then helps you improve the entire situation. You know who I’m talking about. The girl who tells you she recognizes signs of an abusive personality in your boyfriend, and then helps you figure out how to get the hell out. The bandmate that tells you that you’re not great at rhythm, but instead of stalking out of rehearsal, stays late with you to work on getting it right. The latter actually happened last night during some Minor Leagues pre-recording sessions. I think said bandmate was ready to throw something by the end of the night, but he stuck it out, and I’m super-thankful.
The one who looks out for you. This friend has all the makings of a Mad Men-style secretary: she knows what you need before you need it. She shows up at your house the morning after your huge bash with Gatorade, and then sorts through your recycling and loads your dishwasher while you recover from your hangover. She sends you pictures of things she knows you’ll love and puts in a good word for you when she knows you’re job-hunting and her department at work is looking for help. She remembers to ask about your sick sister or your dog with an ear infection. A good friend of mine played this part a few weeks ago and I ended up getting three weeks of freelance work out of it – working just a short walk away from her desk and her dog.
The inspirer. Something about this dude’s personality meshes really well with yours, so when you’re together, your ideas bounce off one another and amazing things happen. “What if we had a concert where we played covers of the entire 69 Love Songs album?” “We should totally start a blog about fashion and dogs in French New Wave films.” “Let’s open an art gallery in our living room. We can call it Modern Living.” Friends like this have spurred me to start coworking events, create new musical projects, and push the boundaries of what I’m already doing creatively. This happens with Chris and TJ every day; projects we’ve come up with include a podcast called Catty Bitch [in which we talk about people and things that get our goats], a weekly tea-and-pie party where the Earl Grey flows like water and wits are razor-sharp, and a nineties-era dance band that sounds uncannily like C+C Music Factory.
Who do you love? What kinds of friends are most beneficial to you as a person?
Related posts:
3 comments
Amy --- Just A Titch says:
Jun 7, 2010
Couldn’t agree more. Love this post.
tori says:
Jun 9, 2010
tea and pie. i’m so in.
Erica Lee says:
Jun 10, 2010
Loved this just as much as your post on the friends to ditch :) I guess it’s always good to have balance, right? I miss having some of these types of friends in my life but I think I’m going to actively remember this when I meet new people now.
BTW, thanks so much for your comment on my post & the link to the Fluent Self. I read one of her posts on “bigification” & it really helped me realize that I don’t *have* to do anything with my blog–or with myself–in order to feel successful & accomplished & like I’m doing something awesome for the universe. Thx again!