When I grew up, I was an only child. I was also adopted – my adoptive mum had a reproductive disorder and couldn’t get pregnant, so Dennis and Marsha were lucky to get me. I used to imagine them picking me out of a lineup at an orphanage, influenced no doubt by my repeated pre-kindergarten viewings of Annie on VHS – . [In reality, I found out when I was older that my adoption was arranged privately through a lawyer, which is much less glamorous.]

Given this exotic confabulation, I thought that getting a younger sibling was merely a matter of my parents doing what they’d done with me – going to an orphanage and splurging on another new baby. I asked them often if they had any plans to do so, often giving them ridiculous drawn-out explanations why it would be helpful – “I’d have someone to play with when we’re on vacation!”. Obvs, it failed, because until 2004, when my dad remarried and I acquired four step-siblings and ten step-nieces and step-nephews, I was an only child through and through.

My single-child upbringing explains a lot, though. For awhile, people I met called me out on being an only child before I’d told them anything about my family [I'd like to think this is because I'm well-spoken, hard-working and mature, not because I'm a self-centered brat], and it sparked my interest in birth order as a determinant of personality.

The science isn’t hard and fast, but it’s sometimes fun to see how people fit the stereotypes – and when they break them. Check it!

  • Oldest children. Born leaders, these are the responsible ones that keep their siblings in line, and they’re most likely to go into high-paying professions when they get older. They’re willing to take one for the team and make everything easier for everyone else, but are also exacting and perfectionistic, often academic overachievers. One of my very best friends [and ILLILY colleague!] fits this to a tee, and he’s brilliant.
  • Middle children. They get the least amount of attention from their parents, since they never get to experience life as an only child [unlike their older and younger counterparts], so they typically put their heads down, work hard, and become uber-diplomatic and responsible. What this means is that they’re often friendly and helpful to everyone, excellent at bargaining and negotiating. My best friend growing up was a middle child, and I know she was sometimes frustrated with the lack of attention – but I’ve never met anyone so kind and accomodating as she is. What’s more, her overachieving older brother set the bar high, so she worked hard, kicked ass, and did well for herself.
  • Youngest children. These are the ones that break the family’s rules. When they’re so often the smallest and sometimes receive the short end of the family’s resources, they become incredibly creative and are often successful in getting attention in unorthodox ways. One friend of mine who was the baby of the family was the first in his clan to go into a creative field – a ballsy move when you come from a family where everyone else works in medicine.
  • Only children. Independent and quick to mature, these kids are the ones that prefer the company of adults from a young age. They share a lot of characteristics with oldest children, but are typically demanding where an oldest child would be accommodating. Most only children prefer to be in charge and don’t like taking orders from anyone. I definitely had problems with sharing and listening when I was younger; to this day, I don’t like to be told what to do. Ever.

So, where do you fit in? What’s correct? What’s incorrect? Any thoughts?

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