It’s inevitable: You open your mouth and start talking… but then, horrors! You forget what you were saying. Everyone is eyeing you expectantly, so to buy time, you say, “Um…” You regain your train of thought, but then you can’t think of the word you want to use, so you make exaggerated hand gestures and say, “…like, kind of…like a bag, but you wear it, like…on your…uh…torso? You know what I mean?”

Everyone does it. In fact, verbal graffiti is so common that when we hear someone speak without using it, we automatically perceive them as being way more formal than us, and maybe even a bit above us intellectually.

Most of the time, it’s perfectly fine to buy time and grapple with words occasionally–it’s what we do when we revise our writing, after all. But if you find yourself doing it several times during each sentence, or if you can’t stop at a time when you really need to sound articulate, it might be time to take action.

First of all…

Pause to think before you speak. Think about what you want to say before you even open your mouth. If you have trouble doing this, take a deep breath before you say anything–it gives you time to get your words and thoughts in sync.

In conversation, make it a goal to speak more slowly. I have several friends who studied acting and worked in theatre professionally, and for a lot of them, one of the hardest things to learn how to do was to SLOW DOWN! Not only will you have time to say exactly what you want to say, but people will understand you much more clearly, too.

Have your friends help you. Tell them you’re trying to become a better conversationalist, and have them give you a signal whenever you insert “um,” “uh,” “like, “you know,” and anything else of that ilk, into your speech. One of the teachers at my middle school made his students do a public speaking exercise: we each took a turn speaking in the front of the room, and every “um” we uttered was met with a lower grade on the exercise–and raised hands from the rest of the class. It really helped me to have my friends raise their hands and kind of giggle at me when I slipped up–the exercise was difficult, but it definitely drove the message home.

Even better, get your friends’ permission to record a conversation with them in which you’re speaking normally about a variety of topics–say, over a lunch date. After the lunch is over, listen to the tape and count how many times you use a verbal filler.

Observe when you’re most likely to use these fillers. Knowing when you’re most prone to doing this helps you to avoid it. Is it at the beginning of the sentence? Follow the suggestion above–take a deep breath before you begin speaking. When you’re speaking quickly? Slow it down, and make sure you’re communicating exactly what you’re thinking. When you’re conveying abstract ideas? It’s fine to ask if the other parties “know what you mean,” but don’t be excessive–here again, think before you speak, plan it out, and you’ll be fine.

Practice speaking at home alone. This is a trick that a lot of people use to get over fear of public speaking–for instance, politicians and public figures often prepare soundbites or talking points on questions they know they’ll be asked in private, so they can deliver them in public with no slip-ups. However it works for interpersonal communication as well. Some people stammer, stutter or grapple with words when they’re anxious (myself included!), and being able to speak without anxiety will help you to be more articulate. I definitely did this before meeting my stepmum for the first time, as well as before I’ve gone on any job interview or freelance assignment. If you choose to do this, you might want to prepare soundbites on questions you’re commonly asked at parties: “What do you do?” “How do you know the host?” “How long have you lived in the city?” “What’s in your drink?” (Okay, maybe that doesn’t require practice…)

What tips do you guys have on speaking articulately without verbal graffiti?

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